I think it important to be honest about who our loved ones were. Perhaps, there are lessons that can be learned when shared or, analogies that can touch the lives of others.
My brother, Buzz, was blessed with a high level of intellect, though that was perhaps his only blessing for he suffered a very difficult life. He was plagued by deep insecurities, at least partially bought on by the constant bullying he incurred from a young age regarding the overall level of awkwardness he possessed, along with both a lisp and constant stutter. Unfortunately, the bullying I speak of extended over the entire course of his life and was never ending.
Buzz joined the Air Force immediately out of high school, he had hoped to make a career out of service, but found that he was limited by his inability to communicate effectively in roles of leadership and was forced out immediately following his advancement to a position of rank over others. I think he must have suffered miserably at the hands of others' taunting during his enlistment because he came home completely broken, utterly depressed and thus, began the task of burying his pain in severe and always prevalent alcoholism, which encompassed and defined the remainder of his life.
Of all my family members, and all the people I have known in my life, my heart aches for Buzz the most. I will never forget the night when I was in high school that Buzz came stumbling in the door. His face beaten beyond recognition. His head distorted by severe blows and intense swelling. He was lucky to have survived the attack, which doctors believed consisted of several blows with a bat, followed by multiple kicks once down. We later found out that he had been pulled out of his vehicle just a few blocks from home and beaten by a group of individuals, but beyond that, we received no answers.
His alcoholism caused him to periodically act out violently and nonsensically at points in time and after many years, he eventually became estranged from family. Our last contact with him occurred on a night in 2002 when a sister's phone rang with Buzz on the other end, asking for help because he had been robbed and his truck stolen. My sister, who had to make preparations in order to help him, was unable to reach him when calling back on the pay phone number he had given her that night. And, that was the last we heard of him until I found his info in the Social Security Death Index years later.
I will always wonder what exactly happened to him, what he went through from that point and also, what else may have happened to him in his early life - if anything - that caused him to lose all faith in himself and his ability to live beyond the bottle. I suppose the bullying he incurred was enough to solidify his low self-image, but I will nonetheless always wonder if there was some crippling something else he never felt free to share.
My own last conversation with my brother came years before and centered around his need to enter rehabilitation. It was a topic that he brought up to me and was accompanied by tears and statements of regret over his life. I had hoped to hear back from him, but never did and never knew where he was following that, unable to locate him.
I so wish he had been able to better express himself, fulfill his original visions for himself or, based upon that early failure, get help for himself and deem himself worthy of treatment, as opposed to seeking the numbing benefits of inebriation.
I wish he had been re-directed upon his graduation from high school. Perhaps, had he gone on to pursue academics or, something more suiting to his personality and capabilities, his life could have become a victory over adversity. I would have rejoiced in seeing that and I know his intellectual abilities would have ensured his success.
I loved him very much even as I protected myself from him and my heart will always mourn for the life that was lost long before his death. It is one of the greatest points of sadness in my life and one of the hard consequences of life for which we often have no answers.
Buzz married once for a short time, but had no children.
He would do anything to help others who fell into need. He had a loyalty to both family and friends, with which he blessed others, never turning his back on anyone who sought him out. He was solid in that and always, reliable, asking for nothing in return.
He, also, loved animals of all kinds, but mostly, dogs. He would come home with a pound of hamburger meat nightly to be cooked and mixed in with dog food for his beloved, Golden Retriever, Charlie.
I simply ask that others pray for him, know something of the pain that was him and act to prevent other occurrences of him, if only by showing acts of kindness to those they happen upon who are awkward, possess a lisp or, a stutter.
God bless my brother in death, so that he may find some of the peace, comfort and sense of well-being that he lacked in life.
And, God bless those who visit here in his memory. Thank you.
My brother, Buzz, was blessed with a high level of intellect, though that was perhaps his only blessing for he suffered a very difficult life. He was plagued by deep insecurities, at least partially bought on by the constant bullying he incurred from a young age regarding the overall level of awkwardness he possessed, along with both a lisp and constant stutter. Unfortunately, the bullying I speak of extended over the entire course of his life and was never ending.
Buzz joined the Air Force immediately out of high school, he had hoped to make a career out of service, but found that he was limited by his inability to communicate effectively in roles of leadership and was forced out immediately following his advancement to a position of rank over others. I think he must have suffered miserably at the hands of others' taunting during his enlistment because he came home completely broken, utterly depressed and thus, began the task of burying his pain in severe and always prevalent alcoholism, which encompassed and defined the remainder of his life.
Of all my family members, and all the people I have known in my life, my heart aches for Buzz the most. I will never forget the night when I was in high school that Buzz came stumbling in the door. His face beaten beyond recognition. His head distorted by severe blows and intense swelling. He was lucky to have survived the attack, which doctors believed consisted of several blows with a bat, followed by multiple kicks once down. We later found out that he had been pulled out of his vehicle just a few blocks from home and beaten by a group of individuals, but beyond that, we received no answers.
His alcoholism caused him to periodically act out violently and nonsensically at points in time and after many years, he eventually became estranged from family. Our last contact with him occurred on a night in 2002 when a sister's phone rang with Buzz on the other end, asking for help because he had been robbed and his truck stolen. My sister, who had to make preparations in order to help him, was unable to reach him when calling back on the pay phone number he had given her that night. And, that was the last we heard of him until I found his info in the Social Security Death Index years later.
I will always wonder what exactly happened to him, what he went through from that point and also, what else may have happened to him in his early life - if anything - that caused him to lose all faith in himself and his ability to live beyond the bottle. I suppose the bullying he incurred was enough to solidify his low self-image, but I will nonetheless always wonder if there was some crippling something else he never felt free to share.
My own last conversation with my brother came years before and centered around his need to enter rehabilitation. It was a topic that he brought up to me and was accompanied by tears and statements of regret over his life. I had hoped to hear back from him, but never did and never knew where he was following that, unable to locate him.
I so wish he had been able to better express himself, fulfill his original visions for himself or, based upon that early failure, get help for himself and deem himself worthy of treatment, as opposed to seeking the numbing benefits of inebriation.
I wish he had been re-directed upon his graduation from high school. Perhaps, had he gone on to pursue academics or, something more suiting to his personality and capabilities, his life could have become a victory over adversity. I would have rejoiced in seeing that and I know his intellectual abilities would have ensured his success.
I loved him very much even as I protected myself from him and my heart will always mourn for the life that was lost long before his death. It is one of the greatest points of sadness in my life and one of the hard consequences of life for which we often have no answers.
Buzz married once for a short time, but had no children.
He would do anything to help others who fell into need. He had a loyalty to both family and friends, with which he blessed others, never turning his back on anyone who sought him out. He was solid in that and always, reliable, asking for nothing in return.
He, also, loved animals of all kinds, but mostly, dogs. He would come home with a pound of hamburger meat nightly to be cooked and mixed in with dog food for his beloved, Golden Retriever, Charlie.
I simply ask that others pray for him, know something of the pain that was him and act to prevent other occurrences of him, if only by showing acts of kindness to those they happen upon who are awkward, possess a lisp or, a stutter.
God bless my brother in death, so that he may find some of the peace, comfort and sense of well-being that he lacked in life.
And, God bless those who visit here in his memory. Thank you.
I think it important to be honest about who our loved ones were. Perhaps, there are lessons that can be learned when shared or, analogies that can touch the lives of others.
My brother, Buzz, was blessed with a high level of intellect, though that was perhaps his only blessing for he suffered a very difficult life. He was plagued by deep insecurities, at least partially bought on by the constant bullying he incurred from a young age regarding the overall level of awkwardness he possessed, along with both a lisp and constant stutter. Unfortunately, the bullying I speak of extended over the entire course of his life and was never ending.
Buzz joined the Air Force immediately out of high school, he had hoped to make a career out of service, but found that he was limited by his inability to communicate effectively in roles of leadership and was forced out immediately following his advancement to a position of rank over others. I think he must have suffered miserably at the hands of others' taunting during his enlistment because he came home completely broken, utterly depressed and thus, began the task of burying his pain in severe and always prevalent alcoholism, which encompassed and defined the remainder of his life.
Of all my family members, and all the people I have known in my life, my heart aches for Buzz the most. I will never forget the night when I was in high school that Buzz came stumbling in the door. His face beaten beyond recognition. His head distorted by severe blows and intense swelling. He was lucky to have survived the attack, which doctors believed consisted of several blows with a bat, followed by multiple kicks once down. We later found out that he had been pulled out of his vehicle just a few blocks from home and beaten by a group of individuals, but beyond that, we received no answers.
His alcoholism caused him to periodically act out violently and nonsensically at points in time and after many years, he eventually became estranged from family. Our last contact with him occurred on a night in 2002 when a sister's phone rang with Buzz on the other end, asking for help because he had been robbed and his truck stolen. My sister, who had to make preparations in order to help him, was unable to reach him when calling back on the pay phone number he had given her that night. And, that was the last we heard of him until I found his info in the Social Security Death Index years later.
I will always wonder what exactly happened to him, what he went through from that point and also, what else may have happened to him in his early life - if anything - that caused him to lose all faith in himself and his ability to live beyond the bottle. I suppose the bullying he incurred was enough to solidify his low self-image, but I will nonetheless always wonder if there was some crippling something else he never felt free to share.
My own last conversation with my brother came years before and centered around his need to enter rehabilitation. It was a topic that he brought up to me and was accompanied by tears and statements of regret over his life. I had hoped to hear back from him, but never did and never knew where he was following that, unable to locate him.
I so wish he had been able to better express himself, fulfill his original visions for himself or, based upon that early failure, get help for himself and deem himself worthy of treatment, as opposed to seeking the numbing benefits of inebriation.
I wish he had been re-directed upon his graduation from high school. Perhaps, had he gone on to pursue academics or, something more suiting to his personality and capabilities, his life could have become a victory over adversity. I would have rejoiced in seeing that and I know his intellectual abilities would have ensured his success.
I loved him very much even as I protected myself from him and my heart will always mourn for the life that was lost long before his death. It is one of the greatest points of sadness in my life and one of the hard consequences of life for which we often have no answers.
Buzz married once for a short time, but had no children.
He would do anything to help others who fell into need. He had a loyalty to both family and friends, with which he blessed others, never turning his back on anyone who sought him out. He was solid in that and always, reliable, asking for nothing in return.
He, also, loved animals of all kinds, but mostly, dogs. He would come home with a pound of hamburger meat nightly to be cooked and mixed in with dog food for his beloved, Golden Retriever, Charlie.
I simply ask that others pray for him, know something of the pain that was him and act to prevent other occurrences of him, if only by showing acts of kindness to those they happen upon who are awkward, possess a lisp or, a stutter.
God bless my brother in death, so that he may find some of the peace, comfort and sense of well-being that he lacked in life.
And, God bless those who visit here in his memory. Thank you.
My brother, Buzz, was blessed with a high level of intellect, though that was perhaps his only blessing for he suffered a very difficult life. He was plagued by deep insecurities, at least partially bought on by the constant bullying he incurred from a young age regarding the overall level of awkwardness he possessed, along with both a lisp and constant stutter. Unfortunately, the bullying I speak of extended over the entire course of his life and was never ending.
Buzz joined the Air Force immediately out of high school, he had hoped to make a career out of service, but found that he was limited by his inability to communicate effectively in roles of leadership and was forced out immediately following his advancement to a position of rank over others. I think he must have suffered miserably at the hands of others' taunting during his enlistment because he came home completely broken, utterly depressed and thus, began the task of burying his pain in severe and always prevalent alcoholism, which encompassed and defined the remainder of his life.
Of all my family members, and all the people I have known in my life, my heart aches for Buzz the most. I will never forget the night when I was in high school that Buzz came stumbling in the door. His face beaten beyond recognition. His head distorted by severe blows and intense swelling. He was lucky to have survived the attack, which doctors believed consisted of several blows with a bat, followed by multiple kicks once down. We later found out that he had been pulled out of his vehicle just a few blocks from home and beaten by a group of individuals, but beyond that, we received no answers.
His alcoholism caused him to periodically act out violently and nonsensically at points in time and after many years, he eventually became estranged from family. Our last contact with him occurred on a night in 2002 when a sister's phone rang with Buzz on the other end, asking for help because he had been robbed and his truck stolen. My sister, who had to make preparations in order to help him, was unable to reach him when calling back on the pay phone number he had given her that night. And, that was the last we heard of him until I found his info in the Social Security Death Index years later.
I will always wonder what exactly happened to him, what he went through from that point and also, what else may have happened to him in his early life - if anything - that caused him to lose all faith in himself and his ability to live beyond the bottle. I suppose the bullying he incurred was enough to solidify his low self-image, but I will nonetheless always wonder if there was some crippling something else he never felt free to share.
My own last conversation with my brother came years before and centered around his need to enter rehabilitation. It was a topic that he brought up to me and was accompanied by tears and statements of regret over his life. I had hoped to hear back from him, but never did and never knew where he was following that, unable to locate him.
I so wish he had been able to better express himself, fulfill his original visions for himself or, based upon that early failure, get help for himself and deem himself worthy of treatment, as opposed to seeking the numbing benefits of inebriation.
I wish he had been re-directed upon his graduation from high school. Perhaps, had he gone on to pursue academics or, something more suiting to his personality and capabilities, his life could have become a victory over adversity. I would have rejoiced in seeing that and I know his intellectual abilities would have ensured his success.
I loved him very much even as I protected myself from him and my heart will always mourn for the life that was lost long before his death. It is one of the greatest points of sadness in my life and one of the hard consequences of life for which we often have no answers.
Buzz married once for a short time, but had no children.
He would do anything to help others who fell into need. He had a loyalty to both family and friends, with which he blessed others, never turning his back on anyone who sought him out. He was solid in that and always, reliable, asking for nothing in return.
He, also, loved animals of all kinds, but mostly, dogs. He would come home with a pound of hamburger meat nightly to be cooked and mixed in with dog food for his beloved, Golden Retriever, Charlie.
I simply ask that others pray for him, know something of the pain that was him and act to prevent other occurrences of him, if only by showing acts of kindness to those they happen upon who are awkward, possess a lisp or, a stutter.
God bless my brother in death, so that he may find some of the peace, comfort and sense of well-being that he lacked in life.
And, God bless those who visit here in his memory. Thank you.
